first things first

I have a problem finishing what I start.

I've had atleast a dozen blogs and even more journals.
I've never kept up with any of them. As a concquence to this, months later I will feel the need to write something down and get shit off my chest, but I can't. I have this other problem that if the last entry I had in a blog or journal is over two months (or something) old I cannot continue writing in it. Hopefully I will be able to have this blog and keep up with it. I have recently felt the need to have something that I can write things down. I do have one person in my life that I can trust to talk to, but at the same time I don't want to be debbie downer with all my bull shit information that I feel the need to share. So, hate to break it to you blog but...you get all the crap that I don't want to bother anyone else with.


I'm freaking out a moderate amount with my current money situation. I have well over a week left before I get paid again, and I have about $100.00 to my name. I don't really have to do anything but go to work, but I still need to eat at work. The five dollar foot long thing at subway is working out, I'll have to do some math on that to see if I can do that til I get paid. Not only is it lunch, but it's dinner! Double whammy action. I at least have a full tank of gas so that'll be alright in that department til I get paid again. When I get paid on the 8th, I only really have to worrk about my car payment and the rest of my car insurance. THat's about $435.00 dollars I need to pay, and I'll have $400 something left in my check. I need to stash some of that money away so I can pay for a plane ticket to Vegas.

I also am feeling very conflicted and confused.
Usually when I start dating a boy we get way too serious way too fast. When I started going out with Jon I knew that wasn't a possibility with him. Jon is something else. If I was with anyone else and they had given me as little as he has emotionally compared to the amount of time we've been together, I'd be bored and done with it. For some reason I am just the opposite or what I expect from my self with Jon in this situation. I not only am totally smitten with him, I'm really starting to fall for him. It's insane cause everything about him tells me to run fast in the other direction. He's closed off, unemotional, rough around the edges, and everything else that shouldn't want you to pull a man closer into your heart. Jon is who he is, and regardless of whatever emotional hang ups he has, I know he's genuine and I actually trust him. It scares the ever living shit out of me, but I trust him.

I need to get dressed, enough with this bullshit.
It's my day off- I'm not outside why?